Editing for Emotional Impact

This will be a little stream of consciousness as I try to work out some editing on a scene of Mind & Machine.

Here’s what I’m trying to do: I need Commander to chew out Sandra Bright.  She’s essentially teased him, provoked him and now he’s lashing out.

Commander projects a few scenes of girls he’s been attracted to and the barriers they’ve put into his advances.  Essentially, he’s got bad luck with women and he doesn’t want any more temptation.  His fixation on Kathryn Angel is what inspires him, it’s his entire motivation at this point in the story.

Bright is going to show Commander something he doesn’t expect.  It’s a scene of actual happiness with a woman that will occur in the future.  The problem is properly motivating Bright to show Commander that.

I’ve been thinking that this takes Commander stating his values on Kathryn in order to make that succeed.  Instead, I think I need to focus more on Commander’s circumstances.  I can relate this to Kathryn if it works that way, but I really need to just have Commander pissed off that he can’t get a date and no girl he likes will actually talk to him.

This scene was initially just rage over sexual frustration, but what it needs to be is raw stress from not having an intimate emotional outlet.  Commander usually just beats the crap out of people instead of dealing with issues.  Everything for him is combat and war, his only refuge has been turned into the prize of the current string of battles.


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